Gaslighting is a manipulation strategy commonly used to sow doubt in your mind about your perceptions and memories. Its subtle nature makes it difficult for its victims to recognize.

People who gaslight others do it to control the dynamics of their relationships. They chip away at your self-confidence by making you question yourself. After a while, you start to think that they must be right and you must be wrong.

“Narcissists want to gaslight you,” Dr. Les Carter says. “They want to put you into a place of confusion when in fact what they’re doing is they’re actually covering their own confusion.”

Below are some of the common ways gaslighters attempt to influence you.

1. Rejection of Reality

At the heart of gaslighting is the act of lying and rejecting undeniable facts. Gaslighters will make false claims about events or things and stubbornly stick to their falsehoods. This deliberate deceit plants uncertainty in your mind, making you question your grasp on reality.

“The narcissist has already decided, my denial overrides your intelligence,” said Dr. Les Carter. They’re essentially telling you that their rejection of the truth is more powerful than your understanding and intelligence.

Gaslighters not only dismiss your perspective but also attempt to overwrite it with their own version of events. They create an alternative narrative where you find yourself second-guessing and mistrustful of your own memory and senses. This undermines your confidence and can lead to a reliance on the gaslighter for what’s ‘real’.

2. Twisting the Truth

Gaslighters will often change their version of events to suit their purposes. First, they will tell you something happened one way. Later, they’ll flip the story, insisting the complete opposite is true. This back-and-forth is their way of messing with your head. You’ll be left feeling confused and starting to question what you remember and what you believe.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula pinpoints the heart of this tactic: “Gaslighting is all about moving the goalposts, which narcissists do all the time.” They play a mental game with you, changing the rules whenever it suits them. Just when you think you understand the situation, they throw in a curveball that leaves you second-guessing.

These reality shifters dismantle your certainty bit by bit. By giving you these conflicting stories, they aim to weaken your faith in your own thoughts and senses. It’s a deliberate attempt to keep you unbalanced and unsure, so they can take the upper hand and shape your sense of truth to fit their narrative.

3. Shifting the Blame

This is another way that gaslighters avoid responsibility. Instead of accepting accountability for their own behavior, they’ll point fingers at you—especially for situations you didn’t cause.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula lays it out plainly: “they deflect to a situation that makes you look bad.” It’s a strategic move on their part to put you on the defensive and tarnish your reputation.

By consistently redirecting the fault toward you, gaslighters aim to erode your confidence and credibility. They attack your self-esteem, making you feel wrongly guilty and hesitant to speak up since you’re being portrayed as the one in the wrong.

Recognizing the Pattern

Dr. Ramani Durvasula warns, “Once a person does it once, they will do it again.” Gaslighting is a pattern, a habit, something ingrained in how they deal with others, especially in situations where their control or image is at risk.

Remember, you deserve to trust in your own experiences and feelings. When you catch someone trying to gaslight you, it’s a clear sign that you need to re-evaluate your relationship with that person.

If you’re looking for a way stop the influence of a gaslighter, then you’re in luck. We’ve prepared a free report that reveals how to eliminate the effects of gaslighting.

It’s never too late to take action, to stand firm in your truth, and seek an environment that upholds and respects your perspective.